Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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