apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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