The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
