I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
