he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
