I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
