I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
