Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
