yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
