really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
