It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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