If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
