we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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