tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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