So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
