If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He has the fingertips of a God
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