I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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