Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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