This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It all started with a game of naked twister.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
