Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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