I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
