Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
