with your own penis?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
