I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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