shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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