Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
