I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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