we made out on top of his cat.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
foreskin is a definite game changer
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
