just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
