I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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