Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
