I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
