I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
