I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
