so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
