did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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