hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
