I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
