She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
