Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
