So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
