I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
