i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
