Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
