So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
