gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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