We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
