I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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