i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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