I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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