I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
