i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
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Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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