apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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