even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
