i permit you to call me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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