The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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