there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
FUCK WHALES
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