She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
