I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
