Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
