I skipped work to stalk him.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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