I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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