So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
