with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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