someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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