please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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