I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
cat food counts as protein by the way
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
