thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
