college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
