I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
