worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
