Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
