I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
